


Always a Man Out of Time

by huiasong



Category: Avengers, Captain America, Endgame - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, SteveBucky - Fandom, Stucky - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 1950s, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon-Compliant, Captain America - Freeform, Discrimination, Endgame, Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, Grief, Journey, M/M, MCU compliant, Moving On, Post-Endgame, Rescue, Self-Discovery, Slight Canon Divergence, Stucky - Freeform, The Winter Soldier - Freeform, post-avengers (2019), stevebucky - Freeform, time-travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-11 16:42:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19113667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huiasong/pseuds/huiasong
Summary: A more realistic ending for Captain America where he still goes back in time, but realizes the past is not as perfect as he had remembered.Peggy Carter had moved on.Discrimination ran rampant.His best friend was being tortured by HYDRA.The public did not take kindly to a dead man walking among them.Grief and guilt consumed him.Where Steve Rogers comes to terms with being a man out of time once again.Explores themes of moving on, self-discovery, and loss.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you would like for me to continue this fic. I have a lot planned so hopefully you guys like it! Criticism is also always encouraged.

Steve literally had all the time in the world to formulate a plan, yet he decided not to. He knew that if he dwelled on his decision for too long he would end up turning back after being reminded of the person he was leaving in the future. He would never forget the look on Bucky’s face when he said he was going to miss him. He would never forget the fact that his best friend knew of his intentions after returning the Infinity Stones without having to tell him. He knew he was hurting Bucky. Knowing that there was someone with shared life experiences, out of time as he was, was one of the most comforting things to Steve in the thirteen years he spent in the future, and he was taking that away from Bucky way too quickly. He thought of bringing him with him, but there was no reason to bring Bucky to a time where there was a version of him still kicking. Steve also thought of staying, but he knew he would always dream about what could’ve been. Steve deserved to build the life he always wanted. Bucky deserved to move on from the past and find somewhere to rest with better friends. Bucky was more than Steve’s life-long companion— Steve hoped he realized that sooner rather than later.

Steve decided 1955 would be a good place to start. He assumed news about his presumed “death” would be circulating less around the media. It would also somewhat level the age-gap between Peggy Carter and himself. He hoped returning to this time would allow him to not only get a life, but also carry out the mission of preventing future world-threatening attacks to occur. That includes making sure S.H.I.E.L.D. is not compromised, so picking a year closest to when it was founded was also ideal.

Steve fiddles with the time device on his wrist and takes a deep breath. Suddenly he is in Wheaton, New Jersey and the year is 1955.

He lowers his head and hopes that the masses of soldiers roaming around Camp Lehigh will shield him from anyone recognizing him. That and his full beard, close to the one when the Avengers first fought Thanos, was enough to disguise him. He hurries into the nearest building he recognizes, the one where he remembers Peggy, Howard, and Commander Phillips usually resided in.

He is suddenly very conscious of the dirty, almost navy Captain America suit he’s sporting and the large disk-shaped bag he carries on his shoulders. Knowing his appearance is inevitable after spending months righting time lines, Steve pushes past the doors of the dim-lit office. He comes face to face with a familiar desk that has a picture frame of his pre-serum self, but before he can let out a sigh of relief, the sound of a gun clicking millimeters away from his temple alerts him. 

“Who are you and what are you doing in here,” a male voice demands, the imminent threat of the gun not allowing Steve to turn his head to get a look at who he was. He could see why a stranger with unruly hair and a stealth outfit sneaking into an SSR office would seem particularly suspicious to any bystander.

“I’m not looking for trouble,” Steve replies in a low voice, slowly putting his hands up as if to clarify that he wasn’t a menace. “I was just under the impression that this was Agent Carter’s office.”

As if on queue, Peggy Carter and Howard Stark stop mid-conversation and stare as Daniel Sousa holds a dark figure at gunpoint in Peggy’s office. Weirder things have happened in there, but this wasn’t an everyday occurrence.

“What’s going on?” Peggy asks, stepping into the room with caution. She feels as if the man standing in front of her desk is familiar, but can’t see his face as he has his back to the door.

“Peggy?” Steve’s broken voice answers her question, though, and her skin quickly knits at the center of her brows. She grabs Daniel’s wrist and lowers his gun, stepping forward to turn and meet the eyes of the stranger.

“Steve?”

“It can’t be,” Howard quickly makes his way over to the others, his eyes widened upon seeing his old friend’s face. “Son of a bitch— It’s Steve fucking Rogers,” he says incredulously.

Steve nods his head at an alarmingly quick pace, the smile on his face making him look tearily-content. He embraces both Howard and Peggy tightly, of course, Peggy a bit longer as she had been the sole drive behind his existence for more than a decade. 

Daniel Sousa stares incredulously in the meantime. “Steve Rogers— you mean /the/ Steve Rogers?”

“Yes, but maybe not the same Steve Rogers you remember me as,” he replies. “I’d have a seat if I were you… because this is going to be a long story.”

——————

Steve spent an obscene amount of time trying to explain everything to Peggy, Howard, and Daniel. Peggy and Howard seem like they trust Daniel, so he takes the liberty to go into brief detail about the last 13 or so years of his life to all of them. All three listen intently as Steve speaks for an hour or so, eyes alarmingly widening when he mentions aliens, Thanos, invasions, or HYDRA, but never rudely interrupting.

“...we then constructed a time machine that allowed us to collect all the Infinity Stones from different times. Bruce snapped back all the people we lost, but in the process Thanos and his goons hitched a ride. We had our last battle with his army and won thanks to Tony…” Steve trails off. He is sure talking about Tony to Howard is not the best decision considering he could be altering time… but Steve wants this timeline to have a better outcome, so he holds nothing back. He hopes that Howard can have a better relationship with his son. He hopes that he can get to Bucky in time to prevent the death of him and Maria. He hopes to change a lot of things, but without help he won’t be able to.

Silence.

The room was silent after Steve all but finishes his debriefing. He doesn’t think he will ever be able to put the last decade of his life into perspective for anyone, so this is the best he can do for now. The other three people were overwhelmed, taking a minute to regain their thoughts before addressing the elephant— circus— in the room.

“So what have you come back for, Steve?” Peggy asks in a low voice, secretly hoping it’s not what she thinks it is.

“Well, I still owe you a dance.”


	2. Chapter 2

Steve remembers the Greek tales his mother used to tell him before bed. He remembers one in particular— about Eurydice and Orpheus. Orpheus was devastated after losing Eurydice, so he played a tearful melody that persuaded the gods into allowing him a second chance. All Orpheus had to do to get his love back was pass through the Underworld without looking at Eurydice until she touched the light from the surface. If not for Orpheus’s mistrust in his destiny, Eurydice would’ve had enough time for daylight to shine on her skin and join her other half, but it seemed like all good love stories ended in tragedy. Like Orpheus, every time Steve is almost allowed to love, he loses his beloved. 

Steve was reminded of this tale while on the passenger's seat of Peggy’s car. They barely spoke a word to each other until they reached the Agent’s humble home. If it hadn’t been for the fact that he’d been feeling like pure shit for the past half decade, Steve could say he felt heartache approaching.

“I’ll go check if the guest room has everything you need. Please, make yourself at home,” Peggy says as soon as they step through the door, scurrying up the stairs in what Steve could tell was avoidance.

He sets down his shield and bag by the door, making note that he needs to find a safe place to store the time device later. He then wanders off to the living room and comes across a cluster of picture frames above the chimney. Steve spends a few minutes admiring the black and white memories of what he could assume was Peggy’s family and friends. Among them were a couple of frames with Daniel Sousa’s face plastered on them. Steve frowned, noticing that Daniel seemed to be in all aspects of Peggy’s life.

His thoughts are suddenly stopped by the sound of music. Peggy had started playing It’s Been a Long, Long Time and was approaching Steve with a sad smile. He silently steps closer, wrapping his arms around her and swaying to the beat of the tune. The mood is not as light as he had hoped— his dreams of being reunited with Peggy being grounded by reality.

“Steve, why did you come back?”

“I’ve already answered that. I came back for you.” Their eyes don’t meet as they keep dancing.

“Steve…” Peggy trails off and purses her lips, not knowing how to continue. “I’ve moved on… and it’s unrealistic for you to say that after more than a decade, you haven’t.”

“Maybe I did, but I miss how things used to be,” Steve responds tearily, willing himself to continue. “Things used to be so much more simple back in the day and I thought I could return to those times. The fights didn’t consist of aliens who threatened the world. The people I cared about were alive and thriving. Back when I didn’t have to adjust to being a man out of time… This is where I belong. This is home.”

“Maybe it was home then, but I doubt things are that black and white now,” Peggy replies after a pause that lasts a few seconds. “You remember your past as a utopia, but I guarantee the longer you stay here, the less perfect it will become. The more you’ll miss the people you left behind.”

Sam, Wanda, Clint, Peter, Scott, Bruce, Thor… every single avenger and friend he left behind will be sorely missed, but all combined could not amount to the way he will miss Bucky. Bucky had been there since the beginning. He was the only constant he had from the past while he was in the future. He and Bucky had been with one another through thick and thin and they promised each other they would be together until death, but Steve would have clumbled if he’d stayed in 2023.

Natasha was dead because they’d traded her life for a win. Natasha was the closest relationship he had other than the one he had with Bucky, and he’s been completely helpless at bringing her back. Steve also felt like Tony’s death was on him. He remembered how he dragged him back into the superhero scene and looked at him in the eyes as he’d promised Tony he’d be able to walk away from the fight after it was over. After years of resentment, they had finally reconciled, only for one of them to meet death soon after. Throughout the years Steve Rogers had been beaten up over and over again. Met with failure, loss, and despair, what was once a good man was now a broken, tired shell of a man. He didn’t have the strength to stay and help his best friend through his trauma; he didn’t have the strength to protect the world while it readjusted; he didn’t have the strength to be the Captain America everyone needed.

So Steve went back to a time he knew he could handle and closed the door on his way out. Sure, one of the reasons he stayed in 1955 was because he hoped he could live a white-picket fenced life, but his decision had been gravely affected by his emotional and mental wear down. 

“I was tired of looking back,” Steve says, taken aback. The song ends and he and Peggy separate. She was looking back at him with a hint of pity in her eyes. “I wish you and Agent Sousa the best.”

————-

The next day mainly consisted of Steve sitting in the SSR building trying to explain how a dead man was walking among them to the higher ups and writing down all that was helpful in preventing future world-threatening events. He’s carefully vague in his descriptions of where the infinity stones are and focuses on describing how various attacks were stopped and how S.H.I.E.L.D. was infiltrated.

“I’m willing to be put back into action as soon as the mission to rescue Sargent Barnes is complete,” Steve firmly lays out, aware that as soon as he showed that he’s still useful the Strategic Scientific Reserve would put him straight to work. 

“Captain Rogers, with all due respect we don’t know how long this will take and there are more urgent matters at hand,” Commander Phillips replies sternly.

“Those are my terms. You get what you want and I get what I need to go after Bucky. No negotiations.” Steve crosses his arms in front of his chest, knowing that he’s won this battle. “Also, I would like the old team back.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed :) comments and kudos are appreciated


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